end of an era

Kyle is no longer nursing and I'm sad.

It's been 8 days since we stopped. Since he was around 13 months old we were nursing first thing in the morning and at night, with whole milk bottles during the day. But then we would start skipping sessions now and then, and last week we skipped even more. So I decided it was a great opportunity to wean him, since he didn't seem to mind. After I made that decision, he only asked for it one time --  and wasn't even upset when I said no.

I should consider myself lucky since we were able to nurse for nearly 16 months, and that when it was time to stop it happened naturally. But I can't help but to feel a pang of sadness when I think about the sweet times I spent nursing my little baby boy. Some of my favorite memories of him as a newborn are the days where it was just me and Kyle, home all day long. He would nurse for 45 mins or sometimes a full hour, and then sleep in my arms or on my chest for hours at a time. (Ahh, the luxuries of maternity leave with your first born!) I think I was holding on to nursing him because it was the last shred of little baby left in my big boy, who is growing so fast before my eyes.

It's a funny thing when you stop nursing, because it's not a big deal to anyone but you and it's not really something you talk about very much. It just happens, and you might mention it to people close to you, and then you move on with your life. But to me, it's turned out to be a very emotional thing and in a way I feel like I'm mourning a loss -- even though I'm so happy that my boy is growing up so healthy and strong. 

Kyle and I struggled at the beginning with latch (he used a nipple shield for 6 months!), and had a couple of rough spots: first with supply when I went back to work and missed some pumping sessions, and then when I had an extremely painful milk blister for almost 2 months... but overall, I loved our experience so much (minus washing all that pumping equipment 100 times a day, and pumping frantically in a yucky restaurant bathroom). It was our bonding time together and sadly it's over. But I know it was the right time and I am so proud of us and our experience.

mommy & Kyle - 2 months old